“The older one gets the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace.”
Marie Curie
As I age I feel I am at the same time getting better at waiting, and more impatient with it. When I barrel at high speed through my days, I’m increasingly aware that I miss the nuances of the moments that are only available when you are still.
I remember my grandmother. No matter what the occasion or who was coming to take her out, she was always ready to go an hour ahead of time. Should would sit patiently by the front door, coat on, purse held tightly on her lap---waiting. I felt uncomfortable seeing her sit there for such a long time, but it has occurred to me lately that it was a productive activity for her. That perhaps she used those quiet, unhurried moments as an opportunity to meditate, be in the moment, to experience more fully what was happening inside and around her.
Perhaps I’m becoming more like her. I’m feeling that I want more “slow time” these days, more patience, more internal peace while I wait. When I was younger, waiting was an anxious, trying to make time move faster activity. I wanted “fast time”. I couldn’t WAIT for Christmas, my birthday, to turn 12, to turn 21. I couldn’t WAIT until graduation, my baby was born, the tulips came up, until summer arrived. I couldn’t WAIT to get married, to buy a house, to receive the blouse I ordered, to see my boyfriend on Saturday night.
When I can manifest “slow time”, I know I’m living in the present moment. I’m waiting on the supermarket line in a different way. I’m waiting patiently for my favorite Tuesday night TV show to come on. It becomes a balancing act between learning how to wait, and not passively waiting for life to show up. Peaceful waiting means trusting that I am in the right place and that all is evolving in the universe as it was intended. So I will learn to wait, not for life to pass me by---but so that I can see life’s unfolding more clearly---more dearly.
How do you feel about this?
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Pamela, I feel exactly as you do and you put it so well. Sometimes I miss the excitement of anticipation but for the most part that hurried, harried rush through life seems pointless and really not the way we were meant to live.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am trying to learn to live fully in the moment, to tune in rather than tune out by focusing on the future. I spent a period of time around my fiftieth birthday when I became depressed and regretful about the past and all I had missed and at the same time terrified of the future and all the danger that seemed to be inherent in it. I came through that time to the place you speak of and it is a much better place!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Dorothy --- I really appreciate your response. As you well know, there are no guarantees for the future---only the fullness of each day---may your each day be full.
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