BECOMING INVISIBLE

“Many women approaching 50 don’t feel glamorous; they feel invisible...I think they mean sexually invisible, but if they send out the right vibes, they won’t be... “ Judith Krantz


In the quote above, Judith Krantz brings up a good point---what kind of vibes are you sending out? I remember the first time I heard the “invisibility” indictment. I was sitting with a client who was 15 years older than me at the time (which made her about 55---seven years younger than I am today). She had just gone through the healing process from a difficult divorce and was ready to start dating for the first time in 30 years. She was feeling invisible and unnoticed at social events even when she was dressed well and coifed to the nines. I recall thinking to myself that will never happen to me---I would never feel that way!

Yet sometime in my late forties, I began to feel the invisibility I was so sure I would never experience. It was upsetting at the time. My self-esteem began to plummet and I was starting to feel less sexy and desirable. At the same time, I began to develop a sense of relief from the pressure to be young and look fabulous at all times. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t given up on myself, I still take the time to do my hair and makeup and dress well. But as I said, the pressure is less and that’s a relief. Author, Mary McDonnell, (Still Dancing: Life Choices & Challenges for Women, Harbinger House, Inc., 1990) reminds us that “Growing older is not a reason to develop low self-esteem. Many women find new confidence and self-assurance after fifty.”

That’s what I’ve decided is worth working on---a new confidence and self-assurance. At fifty I joined a gym and Weight Watchers and lost a few pounds. I also had my “colors done” and a makeup consultation that helped me feel better about how I look. At 61, am I still feeling invisible? Maybe a little, but more importantly I’m not invisible to me. I matter, and I am clearly here, on solid ground feeling confident and in tune with my body.

You will undoubtedly develop extremely low self esteem if most of your life you relied on your looks to give you a sense of value. If you think that’s the only way you are seen, then be prepared to become invisible and stay that way! In her book, A Woman’s Worth, Marianne Williamson said “...as we age, gorgeous young hunks may or may not be interested in us any more. For that matter, men our own age and older might not be interested anymore.
My response
to that is ‘so what?’”

The goal is to arrive at the point where you’re comfortable with who you are and as invisible as you choose to be!