OUR SELF IMAGE

“Most important, I will learn that being old is a badge of honor, not a reason to hide in shame. I will refuse to be invisible!” Finy Hansen, New Age Magazine, November/December 2001

For many women, self image and self esteem, begins to decline with age. They feel invisible. They feel young on the inside but not in their outward appearance. They find it takes a lot more effort to maintain their looks and their bodies.

With so much emphasis placed on appearance by our society, the scariest part of aging for many women is that they now have to rely on who they are rather than on what they look like. I had to ask myself am I so attached to my younger looks that I’ve misplaced who I really am at 61? When I was in my fifties I began to feel estranged from my body and the weight gain I experienced after menopause was literally weighing me down.

As far back as I could remember, I’d been able to eat whatever I liked without gaining much weight. I’d burn it off running errands and chasing children. Imagine my amazement when this metabolic miracle ended just as I was on the cusp of 50. I had not changed my eating habits one iota, yet suddenly I was gaining and gaining until I discovered I was 40 pounds overweight! I tried on everything in my closet and donated anything without a stretchy waste band. I didn’t even try on the tailored jackets and pants I knew I wouldn’t be able to button.

At one point I told myself I wanted to be like Ruth Harriet Jacobs, author of Be An Outrageous Older Woman who writes, “I am a woman of size but refuse to hide in black or navy blue. I wear bright colors and wild styles rather than apologizing for age or taking up sizable space in the world.” But, I’m not as brave as Ruth yet.

Where do I fit now? Some of the older women in my neighborhood have white hair, some are arthritic and stooped, some look like they’ve given up. Sometimes we smile at each other. But I wonder, if they consider me one of their own? Sometimes I feel like an impostor and part of me wants to deny kinship with these older women. I want to be in the club, but I want to look good---feel good---project health.

Should we totally ignore the image we project? Of course not---but as older women it’s important to remember that we are also much more than our image. There are two authors that I particularly admire for their insight and wisdom on this topic: In Journey to the Heart, Melody Beattie says, “Love how you look, smell and feel. Love the color of your eyes, the color of your hair, and the radiance of your heart. Love how you laugh. Love how you cry. Love your mistakes, and love all the good you’ve done.”

And Elizabeth Cady Stanton who said, .”Be kind, noble, generous, well-mannered, be true to yourselves and your friends, and the soft lines of these tender graces and noble virtues will reveal themselves in the face...in a personal atmosphere of goodness and greatness that none can mistake...We cannot be one thing and look another...There are indelible marks in every face showing the real life within.”

Take time to explore the key issues of redefining your older self image. Ask yourself---what constitutes a healthy self image?