AGE GRIEF

“You know what surprises me most as I 
cycle through the fives stages of age grief?
How did I, a bonafide child of the 60’s,
end up sounding like my parents?”
J. Eva Nagel

Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance --- these are the identified emotional stages of grief. When it comes to applying this model to aging, I initially found that I was reluctant to believe the grief associated with aging was similar in its stages to the grief one feels around death and dying. Yet, I found myself grieving.

One day I woke up to find that my youth, reckless or not, had become middle age, that I was clearly and inevitably moving toward old age. Now that was a shock for me! Denial set in as I tried to stay up as late as I used to, and when I tried to work all day in the garden without a rest. Certainly I had always been able to push myself when it came to physical work---now I had to devote shorter blocks of time to the same activities. I didn’t stay in denial long because I was too busy being angry. Angry that it was different now. Angry that my back and legs hurt after stooping over the weed patch. Angry that I was now falling asleep during Letterman!

Bargaining? Not sure about that one. I still haven’t tried to bargain with the higher power to make me young again---or fit. No, I haven’t said, “God, if you give me the energy and looks of a 30 year old, I’ll pledge more money to charity.” I may at a later date. For now I’m working on acceptance. I am working on aging naturally, with grace and faith, with a nonattachment of sorts. I believe that reincarnation and heaven are possibilities so I'm not too concerned with death. I try to keep any negative thoughts about age to minimum. Bette Midler is one of my favorite role models so like her, I don’t take myself too seriously. My eyes are focused and wide open. I’m beyond the denial phase and on my way to full acceptance, yet still some days I still miss aspects of my younger years.

We will all mourn our youth to some degree, however if we identify where we are in the process, then allow ourselves to move through whatever phase we’re confronted with, we will undoubtedly come out the other side of age grief, energized and ready to face the future. I know I am!