“Essentially what happens when you begin to do what you love is that you get a new employer: Spirit.” Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance
I read in the Los Angeles Times that an 80 year old woman broke her leg in a parachute jump. She started jumping when she was 75. This fearless woman is representative of thousands of venturesome women in America who have passed well beyond the half-century mark. They’re blessed with good health and determined to continue what they’ve always done (or what they’ve always wanted to do.)
I don’t enjoy the concept of mortality---or jumping out of planes for that matter. However, thinking about the limited time we have on this planet, sure does focus ones attention on how to meaningfully and effectively spend the days that are left.
Human beings weren’t created to live at a frenetic pace. The hectic tempo of the modern office may suit a caffeine-soaked brain, but it may also upset our internal rhythms. Often career selection is undertaken entirely from the mind’s standpoint, and we end up doing things for hours every day (such as sitting in front of a computer screen) that further our cerebral ambitions but cause our backs to stiffen, our muscles to atrophy, our eyes to weaken. The body is not a machine external to us, its health affects our mental acuity and moods. When choosing a career path we should give some thought to the question, what does our body want to do?
You’ve had rich life experiences, you’ve acquired an extensive array of interests and abilities. Based on your life experiences, ask yourself, who are you? What do you like? What you do well? By making choices that fit your personal values, skills and ideal work environment, you will achieve lasting satisfaction and a sense of self-worth . What things interest you most? What skills give you the most satisfaction and energy?
Ask yourself, what did you want to be when you were a little girl---before someone insensitive someone told you it wasn’t possible and that no one makes money doing it?”
Start where you are and begin your future now. Create a sense of safety, increasing creativity, uncovering purpose, and staying motivated. Take stock of your present options and create a vision for your future. When you feel discouraged, talk to a supportive, interested friend, keep a journal, honor your body and reward yourself daily.
Consider creating a bridge between your spirituality and your life’s work. This means taking the essence of who you are and what you believe into your work space. If kindness, patience, honesty and generosity are spiritual qualities that you believe in , make every effort to practice them in what you do.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
LET'S PLAY
Laughter lightens the mood, puts things in perspective, heals the troubled heart...And the more we take ourselves lightly, the more our spirit soars. So let us age into laughter. It may be the greatest gift we can give to others, and it can also heal us." Drew Leder, M.D.
As we grow older do we need to grow more serious? Do we need to stop being playful and young spirited? Ask yourself what gives you pleasure and delight? Have you forgotten? Did you leave your inner child behind at the playground?
Your need to play doesn’t diminish with age. No self-help book, Indian guru, or bossy sister can tell you what will give you pleasure. To find what gives you joy you have to discover it for yourself by listening to your inner child’s urges. Sometime during each day I’ve learned to ask myself, “Have you done anything fun yet?”
We all want to live longer and happier so we need to laugh at ourselves more and get out and play. Someone once wrote, “If you laugh...you last!”. That’s true. I remember my 75 year old grandmother playing games with us like Parchessi and Canasta. She even got down on the floor with us to shoot marbles. I also remember my 70+ year old friends, Len and Tita who once got together with a small bunch of friends to skip around silly at a local playground like escapees from the loony bin.
I got an email a few days ago that said, “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.” There is no doubt that a sense of play and a sense of humor are essential to aging successfully.
Try to put more fun in your life, develop a sense of humor, seek adventure, remain curious and take seriously your inner child’s need to play!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
ONE OF THE JOYS OF AGING
“...I am less defended now, less armored, less closed in. I tell the truth more deeply and more clearly. I fear less. I love more. I am changed at depth. And I’m still blossoming.” BettyClare Moffatt, Soulwork: Clearing the Mind, Opening the Heart, Replenishing the Spirit, Wildcat Canyon Press & New World Library (c) 1994
I am definitely inspired by the above quote by BettyClare Moffatt. When you have a minute, tell me if this is true for you....
I am definitely inspired by the above quote by BettyClare Moffatt. When you have a minute, tell me if this is true for you....
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
ARE YOU HAVING FUN YET?
"We are all little girls in aging bodies. No matter how old we are, we are still that little girl that skipped rope, roller skated on the sidewalk, skinned knees, wore braids with barrettes or ribbons,and ate ice cream bars from the ice cream man...” Jo Schlehofer, Celebrate the Older You.
Did you know that the average number of times an adult laughs in a day is fifteen and that kids laugh as much as 50 times a day!? When was the last time you had some good, old-fashioned fun---the kind that makes you want to laugh?
I remember my grandmother skipping rope when she was in her sixties---just for fun. Remember skipping without a jump rope? Skipping burns almost as many calories as running and it’s probably more fun. I even read somewhere that you can join a skipping club! If you can’t skip, perhaps you can ride a bike. On a vacation to Hilton Head Island with some girlfriends, we rented three wheelers with wire baskets to hold stuff and road around the island for a day like little kids!
If you aren’t a naturally happy person with very little effort, you can actually cultivate pleasure. Creating pleasure is not beyond your control. If you take having fun and creating pleasure seriously, you will find ways to reorient your inner compass and change your thoughts and feelings. With a little effort you can shift your entire mood.
Rebecca Latimer wrote a great book called, You’re Not Old Until You’re Ninety where she says “Somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that if I refuse negative thoughts and emotions, if I smile rather than frown, laugh rather than cry, my mood changes entirely.” I believe her.
I’m not talking about activities you could do in your sleep. And eating doesn’t count unless you are truly immersed in the act of cooking, serving, and tasting. The pleasure in most rote activities, if there is any, wears off in about ten seconds. They just don’t get you to the state of sustained well-being I would call pleasure. Try cultivating activities that result in a state of sustained well-being. Experiment with activities that require considerable attention, like learning to make jewelry, painting a mural, taking your grandchildren to Hershey Park. You lose yourself, forget about time, and come back feeling refreshed.
Before writing this, I spoke with several inspiration people: a 62 year old woman I spoke to gets up at 6:15 A.M. to knit and listen to classical music before she starts a busy day of volunteer work; a 55 year old runs marathons on the weekends for the sheer exhilaration of it; and one 82 year old takes piano lessons for the “high” of it.. Have fun, just for the sake of having fun. If you don’t feel talented or have the strength to run in a marathon, blow bubbles, the kind in the plastic container with the little wand inside. The benefit is that you inhale oxygen which is good for the brain. Play with pipe cleaners or one of my personal favorites, Play-Doh (it’s also good for exercising arthritic hands). Draw with crayons, paint with water colors and by all means, think about getting a glue gun!
"When I was thirty, I had no clue. If I’d known how much fun, what freedom, would be found in these September years, I would’ve lied about my age and gotten here sooner." Lynne Zielinski, Chocolate for a Woman’s Spirit
Did you know that the average number of times an adult laughs in a day is fifteen and that kids laugh as much as 50 times a day!? When was the last time you had some good, old-fashioned fun---the kind that makes you want to laugh?
I remember my grandmother skipping rope when she was in her sixties---just for fun. Remember skipping without a jump rope? Skipping burns almost as many calories as running and it’s probably more fun. I even read somewhere that you can join a skipping club! If you can’t skip, perhaps you can ride a bike. On a vacation to Hilton Head Island with some girlfriends, we rented three wheelers with wire baskets to hold stuff and road around the island for a day like little kids!
If you aren’t a naturally happy person with very little effort, you can actually cultivate pleasure. Creating pleasure is not beyond your control. If you take having fun and creating pleasure seriously, you will find ways to reorient your inner compass and change your thoughts and feelings. With a little effort you can shift your entire mood.
Rebecca Latimer wrote a great book called, You’re Not Old Until You’re Ninety where she says “Somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that if I refuse negative thoughts and emotions, if I smile rather than frown, laugh rather than cry, my mood changes entirely.” I believe her.
I’m not talking about activities you could do in your sleep. And eating doesn’t count unless you are truly immersed in the act of cooking, serving, and tasting. The pleasure in most rote activities, if there is any, wears off in about ten seconds. They just don’t get you to the state of sustained well-being I would call pleasure. Try cultivating activities that result in a state of sustained well-being. Experiment with activities that require considerable attention, like learning to make jewelry, painting a mural, taking your grandchildren to Hershey Park. You lose yourself, forget about time, and come back feeling refreshed.
Before writing this, I spoke with several inspiration people: a 62 year old woman I spoke to gets up at 6:15 A.M. to knit and listen to classical music before she starts a busy day of volunteer work; a 55 year old runs marathons on the weekends for the sheer exhilaration of it; and one 82 year old takes piano lessons for the “high” of it.. Have fun, just for the sake of having fun. If you don’t feel talented or have the strength to run in a marathon, blow bubbles, the kind in the plastic container with the little wand inside. The benefit is that you inhale oxygen which is good for the brain. Play with pipe cleaners or one of my personal favorites, Play-Doh (it’s also good for exercising arthritic hands). Draw with crayons, paint with water colors and by all means, think about getting a glue gun!
"When I was thirty, I had no clue. If I’d known how much fun, what freedom, would be found in these September years, I would’ve lied about my age and gotten here sooner." Lynne Zielinski, Chocolate for a Woman’s Spirit
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
UNFINISHED FAMILY BUSINESS
“Everyone has a stack of painful memories, rejections, disappointments, ridicule, sorrows over what might have been...we have a choice about whether we forgive others including our parents and heal ourselves or let the hurts go on festering.” Betty Nickerson, Old & Smart: Women and Aging
One of the blocks to successfully moving into the second half of our lives is unfinished family business. A friend of mine, a more than middle-aged woman, has not spoken to her parents or siblings since she graduated high school. I don’t know what caused the breach--but I have other friends who are very close to severing family ties because they get continuing aggravation instead of the understanding and support they need. However, leaving family issues unresolved can keep you stuck in the draining negative energy of the past. When you’re over fifty you’re going to need all the energy you can muster..
If family members can’t give you the support you need in an area that is sensitive to you, try to find some aspect of your life you can comfortably share with them. In some cases where a bridge can’t be built, you may have to create a new “family”. It’s never too late to do so. Weathering the storms of life isn’t easy and loving relationships can be a lifeboat---a lifeboat you can build by choosing less dysfunctional family members.
For example, I enlisted a new family for myself when I realized mine wasn’t capable of giving me what I needed. When I was developing my new family, I never directly asked anyone to fill the roles. I learned about each person’s background, and developed a plan to strengthen the relationship. When I found I could trust these new “family” members, I invited them into my life, sharing intimate details with each.
Although her circumstances were different than mine, consider what Roberta Russell says in her book, R. D. Laing and Me: Lessons in Love, where she describes how she re-created a family after losing her family to divorces and death. “I carefully chose six people for my new family. One was a great teacher...another, an excellent father...and so on. I worked hard to give them what they needed--and to establish trust. Being reliable was key.”
After you’ve managed to assemble a new, more functional family where you feel strong and safe, you might be best to acknowledge your anger and disappointment with your original family. This is key to moving into a healing process with them. Many years ago my therapist helped me honor my anger to make meaning of it all, and ultimately move toward forgiveness. Allowing room for anger allowed me to move to a place where where forgiveness and understanding could be born.
What does it mean to forgive? Webster defines it as “to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; to give up all claim to punish or exact penalty.” If we are to forgive we must first surrender the right to get even. We then cease defining the one who hurt us in terms of the hurt that was caused. Keep in mind, there is nothing in Webster’s definition about the need to reach approval of the injurer’s actions. If we forgive we can also reach a point where we wish our injurers well---this act of forgiveness then becomes some kind of miracle after we’ve made meaning of the situation.
Being able to let go of negative feelings towards others is highly dependent on our ability to let go of negative feelings toward ourselves. When we have developed the ability to let go our own past mistakes, to acknowledge our humanness, it is almost magical how effortless it becomes to let go the mistakes of others.
No family connection of any kind would last if the silent reparative force of forgiveness were not working almost constantly to counteract the corrosive effects of resentment and bitterness. The wish to repair a wounded relationship, whether it takes the form of forgiveness, apology, or some other bridging gesture, is a basic human impulse. Forgiveness is not just a by-product of growth: The struggle to forgive can promote growth and give us back some of the energy we’ll need to get on with life!
One of the blocks to successfully moving into the second half of our lives is unfinished family business. A friend of mine, a more than middle-aged woman, has not spoken to her parents or siblings since she graduated high school. I don’t know what caused the breach--but I have other friends who are very close to severing family ties because they get continuing aggravation instead of the understanding and support they need. However, leaving family issues unresolved can keep you stuck in the draining negative energy of the past. When you’re over fifty you’re going to need all the energy you can muster..
If family members can’t give you the support you need in an area that is sensitive to you, try to find some aspect of your life you can comfortably share with them. In some cases where a bridge can’t be built, you may have to create a new “family”. It’s never too late to do so. Weathering the storms of life isn’t easy and loving relationships can be a lifeboat---a lifeboat you can build by choosing less dysfunctional family members.
For example, I enlisted a new family for myself when I realized mine wasn’t capable of giving me what I needed. When I was developing my new family, I never directly asked anyone to fill the roles. I learned about each person’s background, and developed a plan to strengthen the relationship. When I found I could trust these new “family” members, I invited them into my life, sharing intimate details with each.
Although her circumstances were different than mine, consider what Roberta Russell says in her book, R. D. Laing and Me: Lessons in Love, where she describes how she re-created a family after losing her family to divorces and death. “I carefully chose six people for my new family. One was a great teacher...another, an excellent father...and so on. I worked hard to give them what they needed--and to establish trust. Being reliable was key.”
After you’ve managed to assemble a new, more functional family where you feel strong and safe, you might be best to acknowledge your anger and disappointment with your original family. This is key to moving into a healing process with them. Many years ago my therapist helped me honor my anger to make meaning of it all, and ultimately move toward forgiveness. Allowing room for anger allowed me to move to a place where where forgiveness and understanding could be born.
What does it mean to forgive? Webster defines it as “to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; to give up all claim to punish or exact penalty.” If we are to forgive we must first surrender the right to get even. We then cease defining the one who hurt us in terms of the hurt that was caused. Keep in mind, there is nothing in Webster’s definition about the need to reach approval of the injurer’s actions. If we forgive we can also reach a point where we wish our injurers well---this act of forgiveness then becomes some kind of miracle after we’ve made meaning of the situation.
Being able to let go of negative feelings towards others is highly dependent on our ability to let go of negative feelings toward ourselves. When we have developed the ability to let go our own past mistakes, to acknowledge our humanness, it is almost magical how effortless it becomes to let go the mistakes of others.
No family connection of any kind would last if the silent reparative force of forgiveness were not working almost constantly to counteract the corrosive effects of resentment and bitterness. The wish to repair a wounded relationship, whether it takes the form of forgiveness, apology, or some other bridging gesture, is a basic human impulse. Forgiveness is not just a by-product of growth: The struggle to forgive can promote growth and give us back some of the energy we’ll need to get on with life!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
THOUGHTS ON AUNT GRACE
“You may be wondering what Buddhism has to do with growing older, but if you can accept that ‘non-attachment’ is helpful, you will discover that possessions aren’t as important as they were.” Rebecca Latimer, You’re Not Old Until You’re Ninety
I’m remembering my husband’s Aunt. Grace was someone I truly admired for her straight forward, no nonsense approach to life. Widowed for some time and living alone at 90, we often visited her in her small, tastefully appointed one-bedroom apartment in the upscale neighborhood of Central Park West in Manhattan, NY. Everything was in its place---clean and tidy. On one of our visits, I noticed something important about her lifestyle. She had enough money to buy out Saks Fifth Avenue, yet when she opened her front hall closet door to retrieve her coat for a walk with us to the grocery store, I noticed only these few items:
• an umbrella
• a rain coat
• a light weight coat for spring
• a heavy woolen coat for winter
• one pair of sturdy, fashionable overshoes
• one silk scarf and one woolen scarf
• one pair of well made leather gloves
That was all! And this was a woman who could afford to fill her closets three times over! I never asked her why she didn’t have an accumulation of things, but if I had, I’m sure she would have responded that living in a simple, uncluttered apartment made life much easier and more manageable.
Aunt Grace had a small simple kitchen with no fancy appliances---just the basics. She and several of her older neighbors checked in on each other daily. Grace loved traveling the world and yet she was down to earth. She loved being around people and around culture and the arts and so Manhattan suited her. No retirement home for her! In fact, she lived happily on her own, in her apartment until she left her interesting, beautiful and uncluttered life in her mid-90’s! When I grow up, I want to be Aunt Grace.
I’m remembering my husband’s Aunt. Grace was someone I truly admired for her straight forward, no nonsense approach to life. Widowed for some time and living alone at 90, we often visited her in her small, tastefully appointed one-bedroom apartment in the upscale neighborhood of Central Park West in Manhattan, NY. Everything was in its place---clean and tidy. On one of our visits, I noticed something important about her lifestyle. She had enough money to buy out Saks Fifth Avenue, yet when she opened her front hall closet door to retrieve her coat for a walk with us to the grocery store, I noticed only these few items:
• an umbrella
• a rain coat
• a light weight coat for spring
• a heavy woolen coat for winter
• one pair of sturdy, fashionable overshoes
• one silk scarf and one woolen scarf
• one pair of well made leather gloves
That was all! And this was a woman who could afford to fill her closets three times over! I never asked her why she didn’t have an accumulation of things, but if I had, I’m sure she would have responded that living in a simple, uncluttered apartment made life much easier and more manageable.
Aunt Grace had a small simple kitchen with no fancy appliances---just the basics. She and several of her older neighbors checked in on each other daily. Grace loved traveling the world and yet she was down to earth. She loved being around people and around culture and the arts and so Manhattan suited her. No retirement home for her! In fact, she lived happily on her own, in her apartment until she left her interesting, beautiful and uncluttered life in her mid-90’s! When I grow up, I want to be Aunt Grace.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
UTERUSES AND VAGINAS!
“I can’t stand how grim everyone is about aging----osteoporosis, liver spots, vaginal dryness---oh, please!” Valerie Harper, Today I am a Ma’am
Let’s face it. If you’re an older women, you’ve got at least a vagina and maybe a uterus. These precious body parts deserve our attention just like any other body part. I’ll start this discussion with our friend the vagina (mom used to refer to it as, “down there”).
When women enter menopause, one of the most common complaints is vaginal dryness during sex which can make intercourse feel scratchy or painful. Fortunately, medical science has come to the rescue. Talk to your gyno regarding prescriptions, lubricants, hormone creams which can thicken and nourish the vaginal tissues. You may also want to try a non-hormonal lubricant.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way --- let’s get even more personal. Did you know that regular toning of your vaginal muscles increases circulation to this area of your body and helps keep vaginal tissues moist and healthy. You don’t have to go to the gym for this one (although you can do them there also). Exercise your vaginal muscles by doing Kegel exercises. Squeeze your vaginal muscles (these are the same ones you use to stop the flow of urine) and hold them for 10 seconds and relax. Repeat several times per day. I do them whenever I’m stopped at a traffic light or on line at the supermarket. No one knows my secret! As you’re doing these discreet exercises, try not to contract your thighs, buttocks or abdominals at the same time and visualize “down there” as healthy, pink, moist and resilient.
And now on to your uterus! If you’ve still got one, you may be one of the 40% of U.S. women who have uterine fibroids. Some fibroids go away of their own accord., while others stay and cause problems. Although there are dietary and hormonal reasons why so many women have these growths, the baseline ‘energetic’ causes of fibroids may have to do with blockage and stagnation of the energy of the pelvis. In her widely acclaimed newsletter called “Health Wisdom for Women”, Dr. Christiane Northrup suggests that “the illnesses that originate in this area of the body are activated by prolonged stress from fear of losing control over our physical environments....Fibroids represent creative energy that hasn’t been birthed. We are at risk for fibroids when we direct our energy into any dead-end relationship...a job, a marriage, a family or virtually any situation that is less than fulfilling...”
If you’ve had a hysterectomy or are anticipating one, remember that a hysterectomy doesn’t necessarily diminish your sexuality. Most women who have hysterectomies report more sexual activity and greater pleasure after the operation that before it. The probable reason--the symptoms that usually lead to hysterectomy, including pain and heavy bleeding, keep women from enjoying sex fully before the operation.
So, have a good time paying attention to those parts “down there” and get on with living!
Let’s face it. If you’re an older women, you’ve got at least a vagina and maybe a uterus. These precious body parts deserve our attention just like any other body part. I’ll start this discussion with our friend the vagina (mom used to refer to it as, “down there”).
When women enter menopause, one of the most common complaints is vaginal dryness during sex which can make intercourse feel scratchy or painful. Fortunately, medical science has come to the rescue. Talk to your gyno regarding prescriptions, lubricants, hormone creams which can thicken and nourish the vaginal tissues. You may also want to try a non-hormonal lubricant.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way --- let’s get even more personal. Did you know that regular toning of your vaginal muscles increases circulation to this area of your body and helps keep vaginal tissues moist and healthy. You don’t have to go to the gym for this one (although you can do them there also). Exercise your vaginal muscles by doing Kegel exercises. Squeeze your vaginal muscles (these are the same ones you use to stop the flow of urine) and hold them for 10 seconds and relax. Repeat several times per day. I do them whenever I’m stopped at a traffic light or on line at the supermarket. No one knows my secret! As you’re doing these discreet exercises, try not to contract your thighs, buttocks or abdominals at the same time and visualize “down there” as healthy, pink, moist and resilient.
And now on to your uterus! If you’ve still got one, you may be one of the 40% of U.S. women who have uterine fibroids. Some fibroids go away of their own accord., while others stay and cause problems. Although there are dietary and hormonal reasons why so many women have these growths, the baseline ‘energetic’ causes of fibroids may have to do with blockage and stagnation of the energy of the pelvis. In her widely acclaimed newsletter called “Health Wisdom for Women”, Dr. Christiane Northrup suggests that “the illnesses that originate in this area of the body are activated by prolonged stress from fear of losing control over our physical environments....Fibroids represent creative energy that hasn’t been birthed. We are at risk for fibroids when we direct our energy into any dead-end relationship...a job, a marriage, a family or virtually any situation that is less than fulfilling...”
If you’ve had a hysterectomy or are anticipating one, remember that a hysterectomy doesn’t necessarily diminish your sexuality. Most women who have hysterectomies report more sexual activity and greater pleasure after the operation that before it. The probable reason--the symptoms that usually lead to hysterectomy, including pain and heavy bleeding, keep women from enjoying sex fully before the operation.
So, have a good time paying attention to those parts “down there” and get on with living!
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