“Perhaps one can at last in middle age, if not sooner, be completely oneself. And what a liberation that would be!” Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift From the Sea
Gloria Steinem once said, “Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.” and Lynne Zielinski tells us in Chocolate for a Woman’s Spirit that “...Like autumn fruit, I’ve mellowed and thrown off inhibition to say what I mean...” So has my sister, Marilyn Houston, who wrote this poem:
Cookie Cutters
Aaaah, the scene opens . . . .
whether you like it or not
rain punctuates puddles marking cadence
for a spotty spring ballet of fools
it’s a goose-step two-step,
so very tiring especially if you do it right
I’m a sun-dancer with a tie-dye mind
running from clones in Cadillacs
drones in cathedrals, perpetually
harping we’ve fallen from grace
they’re expecting the worst
and it never disappoints . . . .
so many blank faces, so little time
how can anyone deny God’s sense of humor
while under the sublime influence of Heaven
or is it advertising?
I declare war on snobbish university poets
their self-proclaimed perfectionism incensed
that we don’t follow their rules,
their pentameters, particulars and perpendiculars
ha, you can’t stop me now with your parameters,
there’s a lot more where that came from
and I’m not about to do it your way
even if your power trip
IS bigger than I am
‘cause I gotta voice
Listening to your inner voice makes it possible to start living more authentically---to speak with a true voice and from your own system of values and beliefs. Women at any age, but especially as they grow older, get to go beyond the superficial injunctions of the culture---prentending to be pleasant or acting invisible. As we age it is even more important to assert our full power in relationships and work. It’s a time when we can be more direct and more outspoken.
As writer Maxine Myers once said, “I no longer consider silence a virtue. Speaking up is OK, and speaking up louder is even better in some cases.” How do you feel about this? You gotta voice!!!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
AN ATTITUDE OF SOLITUDE
“There have been times...when I have longed for solitude, and it took some hard lessons for me to learn that I needed to be what I had thought was selfish; that I need to take time to myself to write, to go to the brook, to be.” Madeleine L’engle, The Irrational Season
I remember my petite 89-year old Swedish grandmother sitting in her chair doing absolutely nothing---her arthritic hands folded gracefully on her lap, her face tranquil. She didn’t look depressed or lonely but I asked if she was okay. A smile crossed her face as she told me that she was reliving an exciting, fun-filled time in her younger years. Although Grandma was mostly blind from an earlier stroke, she still lead a busy life---visiting friends, going to her senior’s club, listening to books on tape and caring for her grandchildren. Yet, she knew how to be still. She was comfortable with solitude.
I was once afraid of solitude, afraid of my internal sounds and of being by myself. At 61, I’ve found our extroverted, noisy society and its pull to constantly communicate in some way, a bit too much. I’ve come to realize that my need to pull away from the noise and the chatter is as universal at this age as the urge to connect. As I age, I find I need time to be in touch with me. Cell phones, texting, email, and twitter give us the ability to be in constant touch with each other. It’s not that these technologies are is so bad, it’s just that I need quiet time to know myself and my needs better, to sort things out, to regroup. I want to understand how I think and feel and where I want to go with my life and that’s hard to do when you let the world push in on you.
It’s okay to take a break from it all now and then. Taking time alone will serve to restore your integrity, allow you to think about your beliefs and what you value most. A self-imposed quiet can fertilize your creative side as ideas emerge long buried by the daily rush. Alone time replenishes energy so when you resume interacting with others, you do so with renewed insight and strength.
Try not to wait until you have a whole day or week free to incorporate a bit of solitude and reflection into your day . To begin with try some simple pleasures---a walk in the park on your own, sit by yourself and listen to music, sink into a warm bath, meditate for 10 minutes, pet your cat with your eyes closed. If you aren’t used to being alone, you might feel a little bored at first. Stay with it. After a few minutes you may like it! How can you create more solitude in your life?
I remember my petite 89-year old Swedish grandmother sitting in her chair doing absolutely nothing---her arthritic hands folded gracefully on her lap, her face tranquil. She didn’t look depressed or lonely but I asked if she was okay. A smile crossed her face as she told me that she was reliving an exciting, fun-filled time in her younger years. Although Grandma was mostly blind from an earlier stroke, she still lead a busy life---visiting friends, going to her senior’s club, listening to books on tape and caring for her grandchildren. Yet, she knew how to be still. She was comfortable with solitude.
I was once afraid of solitude, afraid of my internal sounds and of being by myself. At 61, I’ve found our extroverted, noisy society and its pull to constantly communicate in some way, a bit too much. I’ve come to realize that my need to pull away from the noise and the chatter is as universal at this age as the urge to connect. As I age, I find I need time to be in touch with me. Cell phones, texting, email, and twitter give us the ability to be in constant touch with each other. It’s not that these technologies are is so bad, it’s just that I need quiet time to know myself and my needs better, to sort things out, to regroup. I want to understand how I think and feel and where I want to go with my life and that’s hard to do when you let the world push in on you.
It’s okay to take a break from it all now and then. Taking time alone will serve to restore your integrity, allow you to think about your beliefs and what you value most. A self-imposed quiet can fertilize your creative side as ideas emerge long buried by the daily rush. Alone time replenishes energy so when you resume interacting with others, you do so with renewed insight and strength.
Try not to wait until you have a whole day or week free to incorporate a bit of solitude and reflection into your day . To begin with try some simple pleasures---a walk in the park on your own, sit by yourself and listen to music, sink into a warm bath, meditate for 10 minutes, pet your cat with your eyes closed. If you aren’t used to being alone, you might feel a little bored at first. Stay with it. After a few minutes you may like it! How can you create more solitude in your life?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
“It is in our later years that we are often able to give our most meaningful consideration to values, to refocusing our priorities, shifting our outlook and developing a sense of gratitude for the richness of life.”
Connie Goldman & Richard Mahler, Secrets of Becoming a Late Bloomer, Hazelden Foundation (c) 1995
Self-help gurus have lectured to us about gratitude for years now. How much more harping are we willing to endure before we take their advice to heart? They’re right, you know. Gratitude for even the smallest of things can magically shift a tough day from gray to sunny bright just like that!
Case in point: I wake up mopey, eyes crusty, hair sticking up at right angles the result of a crummy nights sleep (post-menopausal night sweats, husband snoring cat jumping on my feet, etc.). Groaning, I slither out of bed. Bare-footed and bone stiff I slog across the icy kitchen floor, reach for the coffee pot realizing as I lift it that I’d forgotten to set it up the night before. Now I must endure the noisy coffee bean grinder, put the coffee into the filter, water up to the line. Eyes glued to the machine I am waiting three weeks for the damn java to trickle down too slowly. The day is about to begin and I desperately need my sanity, my caffeine. There is no joy in my life at this moment.
Just then I remember the self-help gurus and decide to “do gratitude” while I wait. I decide, to focus on the positive like author Ruth Turk who wrote “To my amazement, I continue to find each decade of my lifetime more rewarding and exciting than the preceding ones.” (The Second Flowering, page 47, New Win Publishing, Clinton, NJ 1993) So let’s see---I’m grateful I have a husband (snoring and all), I’m grateful I have a house and warm bed to sleep in, I’m grateful for my sticky kitchen floor and I’m grateful the floor is cold because it reminds me that I’ve forgotten my slippers (which I go back to the bedroom to retrieve and which I’m very grateful I have!). I’m grateful for my coffee maker and the aroma of fresh beans. I’m thankful for the nose that enables me to smell the coffee brewing. And I am ever so grateful for the cup of coffee I am now putting to my lips as my brain begins to fill the empty space in my skull.
Got the idea? You can spend the day grousing because you forgot why you walked into the livingroom or you can be grateful for the legs that got you there.
Connie Goldman & Richard Mahler, Secrets of Becoming a Late Bloomer, Hazelden Foundation (c) 1995
Self-help gurus have lectured to us about gratitude for years now. How much more harping are we willing to endure before we take their advice to heart? They’re right, you know. Gratitude for even the smallest of things can magically shift a tough day from gray to sunny bright just like that!
Case in point: I wake up mopey, eyes crusty, hair sticking up at right angles the result of a crummy nights sleep (post-menopausal night sweats, husband snoring cat jumping on my feet, etc.). Groaning, I slither out of bed. Bare-footed and bone stiff I slog across the icy kitchen floor, reach for the coffee pot realizing as I lift it that I’d forgotten to set it up the night before. Now I must endure the noisy coffee bean grinder, put the coffee into the filter, water up to the line. Eyes glued to the machine I am waiting three weeks for the damn java to trickle down too slowly. The day is about to begin and I desperately need my sanity, my caffeine. There is no joy in my life at this moment.
Just then I remember the self-help gurus and decide to “do gratitude” while I wait. I decide, to focus on the positive like author Ruth Turk who wrote “To my amazement, I continue to find each decade of my lifetime more rewarding and exciting than the preceding ones.” (The Second Flowering, page 47, New Win Publishing, Clinton, NJ 1993) So let’s see---I’m grateful I have a husband (snoring and all), I’m grateful I have a house and warm bed to sleep in, I’m grateful for my sticky kitchen floor and I’m grateful the floor is cold because it reminds me that I’ve forgotten my slippers (which I go back to the bedroom to retrieve and which I’m very grateful I have!). I’m grateful for my coffee maker and the aroma of fresh beans. I’m thankful for the nose that enables me to smell the coffee brewing. And I am ever so grateful for the cup of coffee I am now putting to my lips as my brain begins to fill the empty space in my skull.
Got the idea? You can spend the day grousing because you forgot why you walked into the livingroom or you can be grateful for the legs that got you there.
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